Thursday, February 09, 2006

Tit Bits

First, go take a look at Beryl Tsang's Tit Bits Page. She writes of her dismay over the fake prosthetic breasts that various people encouraged her to use after her mastectomy.

She says:

When I got home, I put on my new titty and bra and promptly broke into tears. The titty reminded me of raw liver, while the bra resembled the suspension system of my 1995 Volvo.

To cheer myself up, I rummaged through my stash looking for something luxurious to knit up. Then it hit me that I could knit myself a new titty; in fact, I had so much yarn I could knit myself a different titty for every day of the week, month, year!

Her page offers complete instructions for knitting your very own bright, light tit bit. However, I have an alternate suggestion for the tit bit filling.

My mother had a mastectomy in the mid-80s. She didn't know how to knit, but like Beryl Tsang and countless other women she knew that the silicone breast prostheses she'd been offered were creepy-feeling, uncomfortable, and expensive.

She soon hit upon an inexpensive, biodegradable, customizable alternative: a kneehigh stocking filled with birdseed (specifically small, round seeds like millet, or at least anything that's smaller and less pointy than sunflower seeds) and tied off.

The birdseed is light but has enough heft to stay put and conforms to the shape of your body and the bra you put it in. You'll have to change it every so often (particularly if you work up a sweat or get caught in the rain -- you'll sprout!) but disposal is dead easy: feed it to the birds. They won't mind if it's got a little tittie sweat on it.

Feeding the birds isn't necessarily sexy -- though it could be I expect -- but it is certainly life-affirming.

As with any plant substance, it's possible some women could have allergic reactions to the seeds and develop irritation or rashes. If that happens, you should discontinue use of the seed and try small glass or nylon beads (or simply resort to the standard tit bit stuffing of cotton fleece or poly fiberfill).

Now, go read The One-Boobed Systyrs of the Apocalypse.