On gender differences

It's true: boys are not like girls.

But girls are also not like girls, and boys are also not like boys.

We are all born different, but school and parents and friends and advertisers want us all to conform to certain expectations ... and in the main, we do, whether we realize it or not. Even nonconformists have models for their rebellion. And so, almost immediately, we become less and less different and more and more alike because that's what we're taught.

We are born, and one of the first things we learn is that we are a "girl" or a "boy" (and if you're not clearly one or the other, the nice doctor will very likely encourage your family to pick a defined gender forthwith, and start the first in a possibly long line of surgeries to make your body look "normal").

We quickly learn that our sex is the most important thing about us -- it dictates what kinds of clothes we can wear and which restroom we're supposed to use. After all, what is the first or second question people ask about a newborn child? Is it a boy or a girl?

But this boy and girl stuff is complicated. What does it mean to be a boy? Or a girl? The newborn doesn't know.

Sure, he or she has a lot of built-in preferences: one hand seems more useful than the other, vanilla tastes good, bitter stuff like broccoli is bad, major-key music sounds nicer than minor key, and mama is better than anyone else in the whole wide world. But past that -- I hazard to say most of us are flexible once we get past satisfying basic needs. There's a whole lot to this world of ours, and a multitude of reasons to like, or dislike, any given thing, and our liking or disliking the color purple or Mozart or DOOM or When Harry Met Sally is all inextricably grounded in our own emotional landscape, which develops as we age and learn and grow.

But the very young child hasn't got that complicated, mucked-up emotional landscape yet, and he or she is trying to figure it all out; ambiguity is more than most little heads can handle. Hell, ambiguity is more than many adults want to handle; life is a lot easier without gray areas. And almost every kid I've met goes through a period -- hopefully a brief one, though some will carry it to their graves -- where they try to sort the "boy" from the "girl" with crudely drawn gender roles copied from the behavior of their parents, their extended family, characters in TV shows, commercials, etc. And then they start mirroring the behaviors they've observed in their models.

Girls become mommies, and wear dresses, a young child might tell you, while boys become daddies and smoke pipes and watch NASCAR. And during this phase a given little boy might get quite upset if you suggest boys might wear dresses, too, because he's trying very, very hard to put things in the right category and your information doesn't match. That same little boy might likewise be taken aback if you called his wrestling action figures "dolls", even if in a general sense that's what they really are.

And thus begins the long process of self-definition and self-discovery in which we struggle with trying to express ourselves and our individuality and meet our needs while trying to conform to our expected social roles so that we don't get ostracized as a weirdo.

Kids learn by copying what other people are doing. If they copy well, and get praise or attention for it, they keep it up. If the copying gets them ridicule from their peers, they usually try something else, unless the thing they're getting negative feedback on is so internally satisfying or compelling to them that they decide they don't give a damn what anyone else thinks and keep doing it.

We humans are social animals. We all of us to some degree want to be liked and accepted, and the moment we get to school, our focus is on being liked and accepted by other kids, because there's no hell quite so complete as being branded a "freak" and being cast out of the social circles entirely. Children can be brutal in their teasing and bullying, so there can be incredible pressure on kids to conform to what the other kids like and do.

It doesn't just take a hell of a lot of gumption to do things that are radically different from what everyone else is doing -- it takes more imagination and energy than most people have.

I know a male scientist who tried to get his daughters to play with traditionally-male toys; when they refused, he confidently declared it was because they were girls. I do wonder if his daughters really refused to play with his toy trucks and go launch rockets with him because they inherently didn't want to do such things out of some inner girlishness.

Might they have refused instead because they'd gotten old enough to know from their older sisters, friends, cartoons, TV ads, etc. that, as girls, they were not supposed to play with trucks and rockets? I suspect his gals are just as savvy as the old scientist himself, and they knew (instinctively or consciously) that it wouldn't serve them well socially to play with uncool toys.

I learned to love toy rockets and trucks at an early age. But I also spent my formative years in something of a vacuum. We didn't have TV until I was 5, and I didn't have much exposure to other children until I entered kindergarten. "Play dates" were a foreign concept to my parents, and so most of what I was exposed to in my early years was courtesy of my science-minded stay-at-home father.

When I got to school -- boy, was I ever a freak. I knew how to talk to adults, because I'd spent my entire life thus far around them -- but other kids baffled me. I wanted to be liked and accepted, but my socialization (or lack thereof) was so far out of line that I was immediately rejected by the girls as being "weird" and so I mostly tried to play with the boys, since I knew the language of toy cars and space movies. But since I was never brought into the girly fold, I never developed a love of makeup and My Little Ponies. In fact, I developed a dislike of overtly girly toys because I associated them with their owners.

And so, as an adult, I still love computers and science fiction and movies with lots of explosions. I'm the only female in a group of 12 guys in my workplace at a computer help desk. I seldom wear makeup or dresses. I'm heterosexual, and as far as I can tell biologically normal when it comes to the girly parts.

But I wonder, if I'd been around other girls before I was five, if I'd had older sisters or a girly mom to model off of, if my likes and dislikes might have turned out rather differently.

Likewise, I identify myself as a writer. What if I'd been born into a culture that saw no value in teaching girls to read and write? What kind of a person would I be now?

We are born the people we are, but every one of us is inevitably shaped in deep and fundamental ways by the culture we're exposed to from Day One. And it's culture that dictates that driving a truck is "masculine" and wearing lipstick is "feminine". It's culture that tells us that being able to accurately throw a football 100 yards is more praiseworthy than being able to accurately type 100 words per minute. It's culture that tells us that fixing 100 leaky toilets should earn you more money than teaching 100 six-year-olds how to read.

It's culture at work when a parent sends a rambunctious son outside to play football, but tells a rambunctious daughter to sit down and play quietly. It's culture at work when a girl with a skinned knee is comforted, while a boy is told "Aw, it's just a scrape -- suck it up and get back out there!"

I don't think gender issues are easily separated out from all that, and I think the people who insist that "all boys do Y, and all girls do X, and they are hardwired by genes and hormones to behave as they do (and therefore any boy who doesn't do Y and any girl who doesn't do X is a freak and doesn't count)" aren't taking early acculturation into account.

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If you are a parent, and disagree with what I've written, ask yourself how often you've used the phrases "Be a good girl", "Be a good boy", "That's not ladylike," "Boys don't cry" etc. Ask yourself what expectations you have of your child, and how those expectations are tied to their gender. Ask yourself what the TV -- especially toy and cereal commercials -- might be teaching your child about sex and gender roles.

Tampax

Tampax is a popular tampon produced by Tambrands, Inc. (which is in turn owned by Proctor & Gamble). It was the very first tampon produced with an applicator. The then-novel double cardboard tube applicator design was patented by Dr. Earle Haas of Denver, Colorado in 1936. He sold his patent to a local businesswoman named Gertrude Tenderich. She then started the Tampax company and served as its first president.

Today, Tampax produces tampons in junior, regular, super, and super plus absorbencies, and you can obtain their tampons with either a plastic or cardboard applicator. Some types also come with deodorant.

Tampax are ubiquitous enough that many women refer to tampons in general as Tampax, much as people refer to paper tissues as Kleenex.

In 1994, a class action lawsuit was launched against Tambrands based on evidence that the rayon fibers in their tampons promote toxic shock syndrome, a potentially deadly systemic infection caused by Staphylococcus aureus bacteria. This suit appears to still be wending its way through the court system. Other controversy has erupted based on evidence that the bleached fibers in the tampons contain dioxin, which has been linked to breast cancer and immune system problems.

Tampax -- along with most other major tampon manufacturers -- generated ill will because of their initial reaction when toxic shock was being identified as a tampon-related problem in the early 1980s. Instead of trying to improve their product to protect the health of their customers, their first act was to threaten to pull their advertising from any women's magazine that published stories warning their readers about tampon risks.

Since the magazines depended on those advertising monies for their survival, most meekly caved in to Tambrand's strong arm tactics. For several years, if you read women's magazines (and for many women, they were their only source of health information, sadly), you'd never know toxic shock even existed.

Tambrands did pull their super-absorbent Rely tampons off the shelves in the U.S. in 1980, but this apparently only happened when it was clear that the federal government was going to step in and declare a recall.

Nowadays, Tampax products include some information about TSS.

Good reasons to avoid wearing make-up

Makeup is any substance people apply to their skin or nails for either decoration or disguise. The decoration may be subtle (such as glitter or nail polish) or fantastic (such as the kabuki-style makeup worn by members of the band Kiss). The use of makup as disguise is sometimes extreme; everyone has seen movies in which actors are made up to look like zombies, aliens, or other inhuman monsters. However, in daily life, makeup is most often used to create the illusion of an excellent complexion.

In short, most people use makeup to cover up perceived or real flaws in their skin. Got freckles? Unwanted shine? Pale eyelashes? Spotty nails? Large pores? Redness? Dark circles under your eyes? Puffiness? Spider veins? Scars? Bruises? Blackheads? Fungal infections? Makeup can smooth it all over and make your skin look (if not actually be) unblemished and healthy.

Wearing makeup is a very personal act that helps some people feel more attractive and confident. "Putting your face on" is a cherished daily ritual for some people. But it is also a highly social act.

If you are an American woman in mainstream society, many people will expect you to wear makeup, and failing to apply it as others do can have negative consequences. If a woman wears more makeup than other women in her social group, she may be deemed to be promiscuous, trashy, or stupid. In some workplaces, a woman can be scrupulously clean and dress well, but if she fails to wear makeup, her coworkers or boss may judge her to somehow be lazy or unfeminine and therefore a less worthy person. Conversely, if an American man wears noticeable makeup, people may well assume him to be homosexual.

So why wouldn't a person want to wear makeup?

There are many reasons:

1: Health Concerns

Some women have extremely resilient skin; they could slather on a foundation of 80% motor oil every morning and not get a single pimple. Other women at the opposite end of the spectrum are not so lucky. They have "problem" skin that is prone to blackheads and acne and other infections, and wearing makeup, no matter the maker's claims that their products are noncomedogenic and hypoallergenic, makes their skin worse.

So, what's in makeup that could create skin problems? Plenty:

1. Formaldehyde. You may be familiar with this chemical from its use in preserving dead frogs for your high school biology class. It's still used in nail polishes as a hardener, and formaldehyde resins are used in rouges and face powders. Formaldehyde is an irritant, and it's known to cause cancer.
   
   
2. Dibutyl phthalate. Banned in Europe, this chemical is widely used elsewhere as a plasticizer in nail polishes. It's also a teratogen that can also cause allergic reactions.
   
   
3. Dyes such as Benzyl Violet 4B (aka Violet 2). The state of California has declared Violet 2 to be a cancer-causing agent. It's also likely to trigger skin reactions in sensitive people. Other dyes can cause similar reactions.
   
   
4. Stearalkonium hectorite. This is used in a wide array of cosmetics; it may chemically change to nitrosamines while on the skin, which are known to cause cancer.
   
   
5. Methylparaben. There's evidence that this common cosmetic ingredient may affect a person's hormone levels and in turn increase the risk of some cancers. It can also trigger allergies in sensitive people.
   
   
6. Salicylic acid. This is added as an anti-acne ingredient to some cosmetics. However, many people with sensitive skin find that it causes irritation that can make skin more prone to breakouts. It can also increase a person's sensitivity to ultraviolet light and make them more prone to skin damage from the sun.
   
   
7. Glycolic acid. This is an alpha-hydroxy acid used in many cosmetics to smooth wrinkles. It can cause irritation in sensitive people; it can also make you more prone to UV damage.
   
   
8. Coal tar. This is used in some lipsticks, mascaras and eyeliners as a blackening agent. It's carcinogenic.
   
   
9. Lanolin. This natural moisturizer derived from sheep's wool is touted for its mildness, but it can trigger severe allergic reactions in those sensitive to it. The less purified lanolin is, the more likely it is to cause trouble in people who react badly to wool. Other natural ingredients, particularly botanicals, can pose the same problem.
   
   
10. Sunscreens like PABA, cinnamates, mexenone, and oxybenzone. These can be allergens to sensitive people, and they can also ironically make a person more sun-sensitive.
    
    
11. Lead. In 2007, product tests commissioned by the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics indicated that many brands of red lipsticks contain unsafe levels of this heavy metal, which is known to cause high blood pressure and damage the brain and kidneys at toxic levels.
    
    
12. Bacteria. Most cosmetics don't start out contaminated by pathogenic bacteria, but it's very easy to contaminate liquid or powdered makeup with bacteria from your fingers or from an applicator sponge after it's touched your face. Makeup that gets shared with other people is especially prone to bacterial contamination, which can cause skin and other infections.

In short, there's lots of substances in makeup that can cause irritation to sensitive skin. Irritation leads to inflammation, which makes skin prone to infection and scarring. Furthermore, a nontrivial number of ingredients in cosmetics might give you cancer in the long run. And that's not pretty.

When a woman who's struggled to find a non-irritating makeup for years discovers that her skin looks and feels better when she simply washes it with a mild glyerine soap twice a day, laziness has nothing to do with her decision to stop wearing cosmetics.

The nature of makeup itself, rather than its specific ingredients, can cause problems.

Inhaling any fine dust, such as face powder, can trigger asthma or seed a lung infection.

Many eye doctors discourage their female patients from using eye makeup such as mascara, eyeliner, and eye shadow because particles from the makeup may get in the eye and trigger allergic inflammation or infections. Furthermore, according to the FDA, accidentally scratching one's eye with a mascara wand is a fairly common injury. Damage to the eye can cause corneal ulcers or ultimately blindness.

2: Financial Concerns

Many women find that the more inexpensive a cosmetic is, the worse it looks and the more likely it is to contain irritating ingredients. Good-quality makeup gets very expensive. A woman with limited funds may well decide that no makeup is better than cheap makeup. If she's struggling to make ends meet, she may decide to spend the $30 she'd pay for a tube of Clinique on buying her child better food or on whittling down her credit card debt.

3: Personal Comfort

Some people simply don't like the feel of makeup on their skin. Contact lens wearers may find that dust and flakes from makeup get in their eyes with painful results. A regular eyelash in the eye can be uncomfortable, but cover it in mascara and it's far worse.

4: Interest in Living a Simpler Life

Your last boyfriend broke up with you because you were "too high-maintenance". Your girlfriend cattily remarked, "Maybe if some of us would forgo that 5th coat of mascara, we'd actually make it to the restaurant on time!" Your boss fired you because you're perpetually late to work.

So you decide one day to chuck all the cosmetics you spend hours a day applying and re-applying, and you never look back.

5: Social Concerns

As noted previously, mainstream American society expects certain things of women that it does not expect of men. People may subsequently refuse to wear makeup as their own personal social statements. Some might be:

• You're male, and don't want to be seen as "freaky" or "gay".
  
  
• You're female, and feel bad that men can't join in the fun and wear makeup, so you won't except in places where they can, too.
  
  
• You're female, and are annoyed by peer pressure to wear makeup to be accepted by others, so you pointedly refuse to wear it.
  
  
• You believe that the cosmetics industry has grown rich by promoting and exploiting people's vanity and personal insecurity, and you think it's hurt society.
  
  
• You think the cosmetics industry is evil for testing products on bunnies.
  
  
• You think there's too much emphasis on superficial beauty and not enough on inner beauty; you want to show others that one can be beautiful without makeup.
  
  
• You realize that much standard makeup is a stylized representation of sexual receptiveness (such as red lipstick mimicking the engorgement and flushing of lips during sexual excitement) or an effort to emulate adolescent feminity (such as eye shadow mimicking the thin, translucent eyelids of teenage girls) and you think all that is a bit creepy.
  
  
• Your religious leader has denounced makeup as a sinful tool of wanton vanity. Since you don't want to inadvertently go to Hell when you die, you skip the blush and lipstick and go barefaced.
  
  
• You think you look just fine without a bunch of stuff on your face, thankyouverymuch!